Thursday, August 5, 2010

Overcoming Analysis Paralysis in Bermuda

I find traveling to be a great way to get out of my head because I can leave all my analytical bullshit behind and take on a new life for the short duration of a trip. Yeah, but I'm only fooling myself cause as soon as I get back I'll just crawl right back into my head. Wait...but does it have to be that way? NO! I just have to face my fears and overcome them, right? Arrrrgghhhh.

Anyway, I found Bermuda fascinating and invigorating. I stayed with a very dear friend of mine, his girlfriend and two more friends that came down from NYC. We had a blast. It was Bermuda's Cup Match holiday weekend (read about it here: I arrived early on Thursday so that I could make it to BeachFest Emancipation Celebration (check it out here: As soon as I got to the beach, I realized how pale as a ghost I was so I immediately laid out to get some color before joining the festivities. I'll admit I was in my head that day, but it was hard not to be when I stuck out like a sore thumb. My buddy Johnnie tried comforting me by saying "don't worry you just look like a tourist" - not sure how that was supposed to make me feel better. In any event, I laid out for a bit and, thereafter, joined the festivities, which included Tug of War games, DJ and live music, lots of drinking, lots of grinding, whinning and "SKANKING." Love that word cause it sounds so wrong, but it's just the name of a rhythmic dance performed to reggae or ska music, characterized by bending forward, raising the knees, and extending the hands.

The following day we went to Cup Match on a booze filled party boat. Again, more drinking and skanking - people hooking up - random strangers having sex in the bathroom (hey, more power to them - who am I to judge anyway?!) It was all so much fun. I also gambled a bit and walked away with threefolds the amount I started out with - definitely begginner's luck. Saturday was a more relaxed day - at least, it was supposed to be. We swam in the ocean, visited the caves and swam there as well, went into the hot tub and played on the AquaGlide (check it out at: - now this was the highlight of the day. We were like children going on and off this thing, sliding off it and jumping on the trampoline. I have a new found respect for the contestants of Wipeout ( - that shit is hard! Sunday was the Non-Mariners Race and it was ON! Here's a video of last year's race (I'm sure ones for this year will appear soon): After much drinking and dancing, we took a ride out to dive off the cliffs. OMG this was the ultimate experience. It was here that my inner Amazon Goddess wanted to unleash HA!

Diving Off A Bermudian Cliff. Talk about facing my fears! If you see this video at the 2:20 mark you'll see where I dove off from: It was one of the scariest things I've ever done cause the wooden platform is not built well over the rocks below so you have no choice but to run from far behind at full speed and jump in order to dive with enough clearance between your body and the rocks; otherwise, you can end up scrapping the skin off your body or just plain dying. It took a lot for me to dive. I was in my head the whole time, thinking how stupid am I for even contemplating doing this, what if I scrape my entire skin off, what if I die, or what if I break something and become a paraplegic. Well I didn't have to "what if" that last one cause I was already paralyzed (I had a case of analysis paralysis). I went so deep in my head that I felt my heart beating faster and harder, my legs shaking and my thoughts racing and I just stood there for a good 10 minutes mortified. However, my inner Amazon Goddess refused to let me back down; she wanted me to face my fears and trust that I will make it if I just run and jump. That is, if I just take a leap of faith. Even after listening to my inner self, I still hesitated. I kept running from far behind and stopping right at the edge to chicken out. I did that a few times. It took me making a promise to Stein (he's one of the guys in the diving video) that I would do it in order for me to finally run and jump and when I did - IT WAS AMAZING!!!!

Identifying A CoDependent Behaviorial Pattern. It all happened so quickly once I jumped off and the feeling of triumph that overcame me afterwards was exhilirating. I felt triumphant because I had conquered my fears. However, my inner Amazon Goddess was a bit dissappointed that it took me making a promise to someone else to jump for me to do so rather than just listening to her and doing it for her. And this is when I realized I'm a typical codependent because what became more important to me at the time was not dissappointing Stein by breaking my promise to jump rather than just doing it for ME. So this is the disconnect I have with my inner self - something I'm going to have to remedy eventually. However, I shouldn't be too hard on myself. Truth is I did overcome my fears (not all of them just a few) and what's more important is that I can now identify a behaviorial pattern that I want to and, hopefully, will change - so, YAY for me!!!

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